That’s the question I’m asked most often. Seriously. Almost on a daily basis.
People call me “over-productive” (or sometimes just insane). Friends have posited that I must not sleep, or that I derive my spare energy from some secret rain forest fruit. I promise—the real answers aren’t nearly that exciting.
What follows is my attempt to answer this question as truthfully as I can, without promising that this lifestyle will work for everyone or even that anyone else should do what I do. Maybe there are some things you’d like to try for yourself, or maybe not, but at the very least I hope to dispel the notion that I must be some sort of time-traveling witch!
The 12 ideas below tend to fall into one of two categories: time saver/prioritizer or energy/motivation booster. It’s also important to note that with very few exceptions, all of these things were true before the pandemic. I've been working towards these lifestyle goals for many years. They're also a significant part of why our family was able to react to most of 2020’s lockdowns with a :: shrug ::
1. My “day job” supports my work/life balance. It’s not something I talk about frequently here, but I am a full-time B2B demand generation marketer. The company I work for has a significant remote workforce, and the culture is such that the specific hours aren’t as important as getting your shit done. My job is a lot of work, but because it’s flexible I can decide for myself how to be most efficient. This work style isn’t possible for everyone, but the prevalence of remote work is one of the reasons I chose to pursue a career in marketing.
2. I have no commute. Folks who started working remotely for the first time in 2020 just discovered this, but I’ve loved it for many years. In addition to aaaallll the other benefits that come from my choice to work from home—like getting to hang out with my cute daughter at lunch time—I don’t waste time sitting in traffic.
3. My kids also have no extra commutes. Yes, we drive our son to and from school every day. But besides that (at least for now—he’s 8), I’m fiercely protective of his “nothing time.” So there’s no chauffeuring him to music, dance, language, or Karate classes. No after-school programs or clubs. And again, no sitting in traffic or stressing about keeping track of team sports schedules or recitals.
Of course I understand the value these activities can have—I did many of them myself—and of course we’ll support him if/when he shows any interest. But for now, we’re all finding more value in the family time, “outdoor education,” and creativity-as-a-result-of-boredom that’s provided by “opting out” of the over-scheduled life.
4. I walk on my treadmill desk an average of 3-5 hours a weekday. Again, this isn’t a new thing for me—in fact, I’ve been doing it for almost 5 years. I’m not a big fan of dedicating time only to working out. Between my treadmill and the varied physical labor required for running the farm, I’m able to:
burn a crap ton of calories
stay in good shape
elevate my mood (yay, endorphins!)
wear myself out so I sleep really well
multi-task my exercise so I don’t waste any time going to and from the gym
I’ve burned through several treadmills and 5,000+ miles, but this is the new treadmill I’m working with and the adjustable height desk that I like.
5. We cook 95% of our meals at home. At first, this doesn’t look like much of a time-saver: We spend several hours every day cooking. We make tons of dirty dishes. We grow, hunt, forage, and barter for a lot of our food. But this one is really about the long game.
Restaurant experiences are something we adore (and enjoy a handful of times per year), but the drive, the waiting, the eating, the talking, the waiting—it’s often more of a time investment than making your own food, especially if you do it multiple times a week.
But the real kicker here is health. Part of the reason we adore restaurant food is aaallll the delicious salt, fat, and calories. By controlling our food sources and what and how much we eat, we’re healthier and we develop healthier relationships with food and the land. Long term, this means we spend less time being sick, going to the doctor, investing time and energy into weird fad diets, and making trips to the drugstore. I really do believe in food as preventative medicine.
6. I get an average of 7-9 hours of sleep every. single. night. NO EXCEPTIONS. I often thank my lifetime of migraines for forcing me into good habits like this, but my DNA must also carry the gene for sleeping well. But even if your own dad isn’t a world-champion snoozer, almost everything else in this list (exercise, eating well, getting outside, limited screen time, figuring out how to chill the F out) directly contributes to good Zzzs.
Not only do good Zzs also support long-term health, they help make me more focused and productive when I’m awake. Working more hours does not make me more productive. Working hard, playing hard, and sleeping hard leads to higher energy levels and overflowing founts of creativity.
7. Speaking of sleep, our kids also have a very specific schedule. Years of ironclad routines have really paid off. Although we do dedicate significant time every night to play time, bath time, and story time…once the deed is done, excepting rare occasions, they go to sleep. They sleep in their rooms. They sleep all night. No hours of whining, arguments, or being awoken early to find someone has sneaked into our bedroom. After 8pm, the parents get time to hang out with each other and then get their own good night’s sleep.
8. I only watch about an hour of TV every day, if that. It’s becoming more commonplace to ditch cable and “live” TV as we have, but I’m not sure if that has changed the behavior of folks who leave it on the background and engage with it in an unfocused way (which, in my opinion, makes you less present for and efficient at whatever other tasks you’re doing). And, streaming/on-demand services may have actually increased the focused time spent on your couch with bingeable content.
I love a good TV show. Or movie. But when I look back on my life (or even just my weekend), I want to be able to say that it was time well spent. The bingeable content will still be there tomorrow…at least, until the real apocalypse hits. And when that happens, you’ll probably realize your couch time was even less well-spent than you thought! Maybe shoulda done a few more hours lying in the grass with your kids or learnin’ to break down squirrel meat instead, yeah?
9. I have someone who reminds me to relax. If it were only up to me, I might just work all the time…because I love it. I'm lucky enough (or smart enough, as I prefer to believe) to have married someone who knows how to chill the F out.
My husband Ian, a.k.a. The Minister of Fun, helps keep my mental state in tip-top condition by ensuring that I close the laptop, mix a cocktail, and enjoy a good Western. It's okay if you're not good at everything. Find the people who love you, will compliment your imperfect (/perfectionist) tendencies, and save you from yourself. Your mental state will thank you.
10. Speaking of relaxing, I try not to do things just because I’m “supposed” to. This includes making smoothies, doing yoga, meditating, keeping a gratitude journal—whatever Self magazine has on the cover this month. Please don’t misunderstand me—all of those things can be super fucking great. If you like any of them and find them helpful, do them! I’ve done and enjoyed many of them at various points in my life. I even went through a phase where I was convinced I could hack / optimize / mold myself into an über-human if I followed a minute-by-minute schedule to squeeze them all in every day. And yeah…no. Opposite effect.
I also don’t spend focused time on whatever “self care” concepts are being currently sold—long hot baths (with expensive salts!), mani/pedis, or spa days (with expensive treatments!). Again, if things like this truly bring you joy, and are not just part of some checklist provided by society, by all means do them. I’ve found that for me, most of them just act like Band-Aids for whatever signals my body is sending me (crappy skin, low energy, lack of focus, aches and pains, shit mood).
Once I figured out how to address the root causes of these signals, I found that lifestyle was a much better solution. I don’t have to spend extra time and money to get the benefits of the Band-Aid activities—foraging in the forest is my meditation. My horse is my therapist. Eating well, exercising, and sleeping well prevents my body from needing to send me S.O.S’s in the first place.
11. I have a flip phone. If there's one choice I'll evangelize for (besides the treadmill desk), this is it. I did the smart phone thing for many years, and then one day my gut told me to ditch it. Not only did I not want my kids to grow up seeing me with my face buried in a device, I also didn’t like the feeling of being beholden to something.
So about three years ago I downgraded (upgraded?) to a sweet, 2000s-era flip phone with a military-grade exterior that survives falls into snow, puddles, and manure piles. It takes crappy photos. I have to do the old school “tappity” thing on the numbers to send texts. There’s no email, social, or any other apps. I do have a tablet that I use for all those things in a focused way, but it’s too big to carry around with me.
All that means that when I’m outside or even standing in line at the grocery store, I’m present for, efficient at, and get more enjoyment out of whatever task I’m working on. (This also applies to you, bathroom-news-scrollers!) I observe things around me, chat with folks on errands, and don’t have that nervous, I’m-missing-out-on-something feeling.
12. And speaking of opting out, we really do lead a “simpler” life.” I’ve put this at the end because it requires the most explanation, but it’s probably the single most significant time-re-prioritization factor. Except on rare occasions, we almost never:
go to bars with friends or happy hours with co-workers
eat at restaurants or clubs
attend live music concerts or theatrical plays
watch sports on TV or attend live sporting events
go to the movie theater
host parties or go to friends’ parties (we do hang out with friends individually, though!)
spend time “shopping”
go to museums or art openings
travel
And that’s the truth. :: gasp :: For many people (looking at you, extroverts!), this probably sounds like hell on earth—or at least a painfully restrictive diet. Actually, it’s closer to an elimination diet. What do you do when your pet is experiencing unexplained food allergies? The same thing you can do when you find yourself experiencing anxiety as a result of “modern life”: remove everything, and slowly add back in only the activities and quantities that leave you fulfilled and happy. It’s probably a much shorter list than you’d think.
I think the biggest mistake folks make when they compare their lives to mine is they assume that everything I’m doing—taking care of livestock, growing a massive garden, hunting and foraging, making medicinal herb tinctures, tanning animal hides, preserving food, and pursuing a masters degree—is in in addition to all the things from the list above that they themselves spend time doing. They don’t realize that all of my (more Instagrammable) activities are instead of many of the things most folks do by default. If you added up all the time you actually spend doing things from the list above (especially in pre-pandemic times), my “productiveness” might not seem like such a mystery.
One of the reasons I love living out here is that it provides just the right amount of separation from “the hustle.” I spent half my life living in big cities and they’re vibrant and exciting, but at a certain point…overwhelming. It took what most people would call an “extreme” change in lifestyle for me to realize that more often than not—at least, by my mid-30s—all the choices and access felt exhausting instead of inspiring.
Part of the reason we chose to move to rural Maine is that we’re just as close (in terms of time spent in the car) to excellent restaurants, arts, and culture, as we were when we lived in the north part of Chicago. I didn’t realize that except for the occasional event or outing I'd really want to attend, the extra bit of effort required to get there would now be enough to make me opt out.
There’s a lot of talk lately of practicing saying “no” to constant invitations and activities. Moving out here was like one giant “no” for us, an elimination diet that helped us to see more clearly what was really important for us to spend time on. Most of my current interests and sources of inspiration involve agriculture, homesteading, and wilderness. If there’s something else I want to add in, I do. But those are now the exceptions instead of the rule. Once it’s safe to do so, though, you can bet that taking my kids to Paris to eat a real baguette will make the cut.
I don’t know if I have the right advice for you if you’re certain that sports, museums, or going to a new dim sum restaurant every week gives you life—moving to a farm may not be the right choice for you. But maybe you can concoct the equivalent of an elimination diet even in the middle of New York city; you might be surprised just how many things you can—and will even enjoy—living without.
Or, after reading this, you may think to yourself “Holy shit! I actually like my life just fine the way it is.”
I know myself well enough to know that constantly trying to resist temptation is stressful. So I ditched the city, the cable, and the smart phone. In return, I’ve found an enormous amount of freedom—and “spare” time!
* THE ASTERISK SECTION
Caveats, acknowledgements, footnotes. I gots ‘em.
1. Fortune and privilege. Let's just tackle this one head on. Not only do I understand that plenty of people wouldn’t want to strive for this lifestyle, I recognize that plenty of people can't. I'm fortunate to have been born when I was, where I was, and to my parents. I had access to excellent educational opportunities and experiences. I've had the freedom and support to explore different life choices. Not everyone has all these things. In fact, most people don't. I don't think overwhelming guilt is terribly productive, though. I prefer to feel grateful and look for ways to offer support—although, I admit I'm still figuring out how to do that.
I'm also fortunate to not have any major chronic physical or mental health conditions. I do take some credit for proactively maintaining my health, but feel grateful for every day I wake up pain-free and with a drive to create.
2. “Having it all” is BS. Not only is it impossible, I don’t even believe it’s something to aim for. I want to have just the right amount of what matters most. And even then, I still want there to be things left to learn, do, and never understand.
3. I do not have everything figured out. If anybody ever tells you that they do, you’d do well to remain skeptical. You’re jealous of my “dream life?” I promise, I’m jealous of your tidy balanced checkbook, your sparkling clean gutters, your plump 401(k), and your exotic travel photos.
4. Just because I get a lot of shit done doesn’t mean I get everything done. This is where one of the downsides to social media comes into play.
While I do try to present a realistic view of “life on the farm,” you’re always going to see more pretty dried herbs than cobwebs on our ceiling. There are a lot of things I start but don’t finish—in fact, I chose the image of calendula flowers at the top for this blog because they’re one of the things I grew last summer that I didn’t get around to processing.
And it’s not just small, elective things that don’t get done. I’m likely to rabbit hole on a pet project and put off important shit like taxes or replacing our rusted-through furnace vents until the very last (and sometimes too late) moment.
5. Productivity is not necessarily the ultimate goal. I’m a doer; doing things makes me happy. And I come from a long line of doers—seriously, when my 70-year-old parents come to visit I feel like a total schlep in comparison. But that’s not everyone’s happy place. My husband has bursts of doing and feels accomplished afterwards, but the rest of the time is perfectly content to relax. You only have yourself to live up to.
IN CONCLUSION
But ultimately, lastly, finally (promise!), I’d like to give myself a little bit of credit. As an over-productive, perfectionist “doer,” I tend to focus more on what I haven’t accomplished yet instead of what I have. I’m also far more likely to credit my successes to external factors or reduce them to overly-wordy, explanatory lists (ahem). But I’m trying to get better about that. A little. Really.
So for everything I’ve figured out about life so far, I’d also like to thank my internal fire. Not my genes, not what I learned from my parents, not my luck or situation or nice ass (if I do say so). Me. Just me. The little pilot light I rely on to get me through the not-so-great times in life. That I draw upon for my drive and miss when its muted…but, it always comes back.
Good job, self.
:: Takes one deep breath ::
OK, enough of that. Time to get back to work.
Yeah, sooo…that was a lot. And you might feel a little like you showed up to the witch doctor expecting a magic potion, only for me to tell you to eat two apples, get a good night’s sleep, and call me in the morning. But in this case, it turns out that what your doctor (and probably your grandma) told you about staying healthy and happy was actually true.
Thanks for spending some time with me on this. Feel inspired or horrified? Got some ideas of your own? I want to hear from you. Leave a comment below, or my inbox is always open.